Society Calls You Selfish for Choosing Yourself
That’s a heavy one, and it’s something a lot of people struggle with. Society has a way of framing “self-care” as selfishness, especially when it comes to putting yourself first in ways that challenge others’ expectations. But the truth is, there’s a difference between selfishness and self-preservation, and it’s easy to blur the lines when the world around you is constantly pulling at your energy.
When you choose yourself—whether it’s setting boundaries, taking time for your mental health, or just saying “no” when you feel overwhelmed—it can feel like you’re being labeled as selfish. But that kind of thinking can be harmful, because if you’re constantly giving and giving without considering your own needs, it can lead to burnout, resentment, and a lack of self-worth.
Why Society Can See It as Selfish:
Expectations of Sacrifice:
A lot of cultures place high value on sacrifice—giving to others is seen as virtuous, and sometimes this can lead to the idea that putting yourself first is wrong or inconsiderate.
Guilt-Tripping:
People around you (family, friends, colleagues) might make you feel guilty for choosing your own well-being over their needs. But that often comes from their own fears or insecurities, not from a place of genuine concern for your happiness.
Individualism vs. Collectivism:
In some societies, there’s more emphasis on the collective good or social harmony, and prioritizing your own needs can be seen as disrupting that balance. It can make you feel like you’re letting others down just by taking care of yourself.
But Here’s the Thing:
Choosing yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. If you’re constantly giving and never recharging, you’re not able to give your best self to others anyway. Plus, if you’re not in a good place, how can you show up fully for anyone else?
It’s like the airplane analogy:
you have to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others with theirs. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
What’s been making you feel like you’re being selfish by putting yourself first?
There’s this strange script society hands us: sacrifice yourself, and you’re noble. Choose yourself, and suddenly you’re “selfish.” Funny, isn’t it? The very people who expect you to always be available are the first to call you names when you finally say no.
But here’s the thing: the Bhagavad Gita, a text written long before Instagram quotes and therapy memes, doesn’t shame you for putting yourself first. In fact, it calls it dharma: the responsibility to walk your own path, to do what is right for you, even if the world misunderstands.
The Weight of Other People’s Expectations
We’re raised to think life is about meeting everyone else’s demands. Be the perfect child, the perfect partner, the perfect employee. Smile when you’re exhausted, say yes when you want to say no, give until you’re empty and if you dare complain, you’re “ungrateful.”
But the Gita quietly disrupts this script. It says: Better to live your own truth imperfectly than live someone else’s expectations perfectly. That’s not selfishness. That’s honesty. That’s courage.
Dharma Is Not About Pleasing, It’s About Aligning
our dharma isn’t a to-do list society hands you. It’s not about how useful you are to others, or how much applause you can collect. Dharma is about alignment: acting in a way that honors your inner truth, even when it costs you approval.
Sometimes that looks like leaving a job that kills your spirit. Sometimes it’s walking away from people who drain you. Sometimes it’s as simple as saying, “I can’t do this today.” And yes, people will be disappointed. But disappointment is their journey. Not your dharma.
Boundaries Are Not Betrayal
We confuse self-respect with cruelty. We think saying no means we’re shutting love out. But the Gita teaches detachment, not from people, but from the chains of guilt and fear that keep us stuck.
When you create boundaries, you’re not rejecting others. You’re making space to show up with authenticity. A “yes” that comes from obligation is heavy; a “yes” that comes from freedom is love.
The Quiet Strength of Choosing Yourself
Think about Arjuna on the battlefield. His greatest struggle wasn’t fighting others, it was deciding whether he had the right to choose his path, even if it hurt the people he loved. Krishna didn’t tell him, “Sacrifice yourself to keep everyone happy.”
Krishna said, “Do your dharma. Walk your path. That is your responsibility.” It’s not selfishness. It’s alignment. It’s the courage to live truthfully, even when others don’t understand.
The Thought to Leave You With
Every time you choose yourself, someone will call you selfish. Let them. The truth is, they’re not angry because you did wrong. They’re angry because you stopped doing what benefitted them. The Gita reminds us: your soul’s duty is not to please everyone, it is to walk in truth.
That means sometimes you’ll disappoint others. Sometimes you’ll be misunderstood. But in the end, peace does not come from applause. It comes from alignment. So if society calls you selfish, smile. Maybe it’s the first time you’ve finally done something right.
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